Ultimate Guy’s Guide: How to Avoid Commitment Like a Pro…Perfect for Perpetual Man-Children!
*clears throat dramatically* Ohhh boy, do I have some thoughts on this one! Buckle up, folks, because this is about to get real!
So let me get this straight… you’re telling me that you’re scared of “relationships” because you might actually have to, I don’t know, commit to something for once in your life?
Nigga Puh-lease! Spare me the pseudo-philosophical drivel about “different women inside you jostling to get out.” That’s just a fancy way of saying you want to keep your options open to flirt with anyone who catches your wandering eye. How original!🙄
But it gets better! Not only do you expect your hypothetical partner to just smile and nod while you go chasing after every shiny object that distracts you, but you also want them to be your personal cheerleader? “Renew me,” you say, like you’re some kind of delicate flower that needs constant validation and inspiration. Give me a break!
And the demands just keep on coming! No living together, no celebrating birthdays or anniversaries, no…dare I say it…commitment of any kind! Basically, you want all the benefits of a relationship without any of the hassles that come with, you know, actually being in a committed relationship. How convenient for you!
But wait, there’s more! You’re not just afraid of being “resentful, owned, [or] controlled,” oh no. You seem to think that having a partner who loves and cares for you is akin to being locked up in a prison! The ball and chain you say! ⛓🎱🔗🔒 The drama, the flair for the hyperbolic…it’s almost enough to make a person swoon. Almost.
Look, I get it. You’re “just getting started” and you want to stay “plugged in” and “alive.” That’s all well and good. But maybe, just maybe, you could find a way to have your “unbelievable adventure” without acting like any form of commitment is a soul-sucking leech determined to drain you of your precious life force?
Either that or just admit that you’re terrible at relationships and save everyone the trouble. At least then we could admire your honesty, if not your people skills.
But who am I kidding? You’ll probably just brush this all off with a casual “If it doesn’t sound good to you, that’s awesome too.” Give me a break! If saying “awesome” makes it easier for you to reject anyone who doesn’t fit your ridiculous list of demands, then by all means, keep living in your little fantasy world.
The rest of us will be over here in reality, trying to figure out how to make relationships work without an endless string of excuses and conditions. But you just keep on jostling, my friend. Those “different women” inside you must be simply exhausting 🥴
